I'm currently in a very peculiar situation and this post is an effort to explore that and if possible find a solution to the crazy thing that is happening to me/that I'm doing.
To put it simply, I lost a small thing called inspiration or so it appears. Like all other things lost I don't know where exactly along the way I lost it. It must have been gradual :( Mind you, I'm not brooding in my bed all day and eating junk food. I get up, do regular stuff and get along fairly well. However I do just enough so that I manage by, not a bit more or less. I no longer feel like endlessly pursuing crazy beautiful things that have fascinated me. Instead I work a bit to get along and do things I that doesn't really mean anything to me mostly so that I don't feel much. Mind you, half the time I feel better but the bad half is enough to kill the day.
So we have got the premises clear, now let's get on with beating it fair and square. The first thing is to look for reasons and that is what I just did. There are a few things that struck me:
Do the things that I do really have a meaning to me ? Do they really make my breath quicken and thoughts light up ? Am I just following a path mechanically ? Not very likely though because I loved these things sometime before and I still believe I do. Still, questioning that has made me evaluate a lot of my choice. Instead something might be clouding that. What could it be is the next question ?
I'm facing a few tough and many simple but ponderous personal and not-so-personal problems, some of which have taken all my efforts and still refused to be solved and it's possible that might be the thing. But be it big or small doesn't everyone have such problems of their own ? People deal with it and life moves on. It feels really good when you solve a problem but when one stares at you and laughs like 'Cruella' while you've got your hands tied, then you might feel a bit uncomfortable. Totally acceptable and as a member of a very foolish species I still hope for the best ( can anyone show me a law written somewhere that the best will happen ? It's equally likely that the worst might, so it's a great thing that we can hope :D )
The other thing that has taken up some serious thought time is fear. The legendary fear of success or the prevalent fear of failure according to the Pop-Psych wisdom or some happy mix of it. If I'm having these why am I ? How do I get over them ? I've read many things but most doesn't make much sense plus how can you even start to believe a guy who has ads for his next book on both sides and notices of personal coaching. Something like zen-habits at least seems less commercial. How do you stop fear from paralyzing and disabling you, how do you jump over the roadblock it creates ?
It's also likely that I'm plain lazy but somehow I find that not really true too. I have in the past worked intensely for some things I've wanted of wished to do.
The great search continues and I hope to come up with an answer before I've to work overtime :)
P.S Got the learner's license ! Yipeee !
To put it simply, I lost a small thing called inspiration or so it appears. Like all other things lost I don't know where exactly along the way I lost it. It must have been gradual :( Mind you, I'm not brooding in my bed all day and eating junk food. I get up, do regular stuff and get along fairly well. However I do just enough so that I manage by, not a bit more or less. I no longer feel like endlessly pursuing crazy beautiful things that have fascinated me. Instead I work a bit to get along and do things I that doesn't really mean anything to me mostly so that I don't feel much. Mind you, half the time I feel better but the bad half is enough to kill the day.
So we have got the premises clear, now let's get on with beating it fair and square. The first thing is to look for reasons and that is what I just did. There are a few things that struck me:
Do the things that I do really have a meaning to me ? Do they really make my breath quicken and thoughts light up ? Am I just following a path mechanically ? Not very likely though because I loved these things sometime before and I still believe I do. Still, questioning that has made me evaluate a lot of my choice. Instead something might be clouding that. What could it be is the next question ?
I'm facing a few tough and many simple but ponderous personal and not-so-personal problems, some of which have taken all my efforts and still refused to be solved and it's possible that might be the thing. But be it big or small doesn't everyone have such problems of their own ? People deal with it and life moves on. It feels really good when you solve a problem but when one stares at you and laughs like 'Cruella' while you've got your hands tied, then you might feel a bit uncomfortable. Totally acceptable and as a member of a very foolish species I still hope for the best ( can anyone show me a law written somewhere that the best will happen ? It's equally likely that the worst might, so it's a great thing that we can hope :D )
The other thing that has taken up some serious thought time is fear. The legendary fear of success or the prevalent fear of failure according to the Pop-Psych wisdom or some happy mix of it. If I'm having these why am I ? How do I get over them ? I've read many things but most doesn't make much sense plus how can you even start to believe a guy who has ads for his next book on both sides and notices of personal coaching. Something like zen-habits at least seems less commercial. How do you stop fear from paralyzing and disabling you, how do you jump over the roadblock it creates ?
It's also likely that I'm plain lazy but somehow I find that not really true too. I have in the past worked intensely for some things I've wanted of wished to do.
The great search continues and I hope to come up with an answer before I've to work overtime :)
P.S Got the learner's license ! Yipeee !
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