Lonely Moments

As I sit in the eerie glow of my laptop screen , night dripping down from the sky and the hushed wind playing bagpipes on my window, I wonder. I wonder about many a thing, as far from each other as a fruit fly hovering over an apple from a supernova in the depths of the galaxy (poetically speaking!) but somehow my brain mixes them all up, like the green and orange and brown sundaes which used to fascinate me to no end when I was smaller. Now I've moved on to alluringly spiral softies.

Surprisingly sometimes I wonder about music, even though I never understood music very technically and wouldn't ever survive singing, even as a street singer desperately trying to cobble up a living. 

There are some songs, lyrical and exquisite, like a hidden brook or moonlit meadow. They flow by and touch your soul, bringing a moment of clarity to the raging and windswept waters. Letting the subtle and unseen, beautiful and tender things underneath come up for a moment. Letting you feel pain, love and tenderness. You remember the day you shared that kiss, the cryptic whispers carried off in warm breaths, the feeling of a hand in your own and an ear listening to your heartbeats. You remember walking to school on the very first day with your dad and going shopping with your mom, running up the doorsteps drenched in rain, only to get scolded by her. You remember the smell of hot dosas and coffee from your grandmothers breakfast table. You remember running under the unforgiving sun with makeshift wooden swords, yelling war-cries with your brother and sister.

You become a feather in the wind, floating among small heartbeats from the past, lost and dim yet eternal and brilliant. You become a blade of grass, a new born baby and a first kiss. You become a rain drop kissing the earth. You become the loves you've lost and the ones you gained. You become the pain of the living and the cries of the dead and unborn.

There are some other songs, rhythmic and strong, seducing your feet to tap and dance. They make you forget yourself for a moment, losing yourself in the chords like a leaf in the sea.They remind you of that moment when you decided that this was it; you're going to give it everything you've got. You remember the exhilaration of the last step to the summit and of zipping through crispy air in your bicycle. You feel what you felt when you solved that insanely difficult problem after a week, having pulled out half of your hair in the process.

You become the raging waves crashing onto the shore,one after another for eternity, feeling their timelessness. You become the wind sweeping the earth, mixing up the aromas of the world. You become the fire that burns away anything that stands in its way, hot,bright and untouchable.

There are of-course, infinitely many kinds of music (or just one kind if you look at it that way). These two are the red and green my color blind brain chose to see. Listening to music is like looking into the mirror, much more complicated and wondrous, reflecting the depths of your being.