What is trust ? Its probably futile to put try put trust in a straightjacket since it is so many different things for different people. So I'll focus on one very subtle kind of thing that I see as trust and which I feel goes often unnoticed.This kind of trust cannot exist without at least two parties, so we'll have to go back to look at how we interact with people to get an idea of what this subtle aspect of trust is.
We as human beings have systems like mirror neurons that enables us to model actions of others based on ourselves and we use these to our great advantage : without these you would have no clue how another person would behave. I don't know if the kind of trust I'm talking about comes from such basic biological processes or is a much more complex learned thing, probably its a bit of both. But it involves the dynamic and ever growing models your mind build through its endless interactions with other humans, on how people will respond and behave: say what is the normal reaction expected if you punch someone in the nose ? will they chase you with a baseball bat or smile at you ? Apart from such dramatic situations even in more complex and subtle relationships we have in life, like the one between a man and woman (or girl and boy if you will :) ) or a parent and a child, or the one between siblings or close friends, these models play a key role. The models you have of each person you have, consciously or unconsciously modulates and shapes all your actions towards them even if you haven't noticed it.
Sounds pretty neat doesn't it ? It is actually. Its probably one of the things that make us human and have allowed us to get so far and organize into extremely intricate,beautiful and enormous social web spread over the globe. We wouldn't be able to navigate life without this model machine of ours, we would be lost in a sea of chaos with no maps or rudders. However there is a catch; a flaw so ingrained into the works of this system that even though its staring right at you, you miss it: you really know only one person, you. It might seem ridiculous at first. 'I know my parents, I know my girlfriend/boyfriend, I know my best friends !' You might exclaim, reasonably too. The only problem is that you don't. You think you know them because you've got a fairly accurate model of them which lets you understand who they are, what they are and their actions. But life isn't that simple.For example, we haven't yet learned how to put a human being into an equation and churn it enough to generate the whole mosaic of their actions, inspirations, thoughts.
So what ? you might ask. The world is built on approximations, forget human beings you can't even really say where an electron is ! We have evolved ( I might be wrong about the whole thing :D, my apologies in case ) this neat way of doing it fairly well and it works good. So what's wrong ? Its true that it works on global scale very well; otherwise I wouldn't be here writing this and you wouldn't be reading it from some far away place. However like all models it has it's pitfalls and we usually land in bit of fix forgetting this. It breaks down at a personal level.
At the global level it works well because things even out, we have so many interactions and so many ways of doing things assimilated from our society/surroundings and our actions are modulated so much by our environment that the number of right results predicted usually astronomically over weigh the wrong ones. So we keep it :) However at a personal level things aren't so neat and linear as you wish they would be, if they were life would be pretty boring.
At a personal level we do things that even surprise us. We luckily don't follow an algorithm to life. We improvise on the way and progressively change what we're doing like a protein folding into its right structure progressively because its too damn hard and not at all fun to do it in one go (I'm not saying its right because proteins do it, there is no correlation I can think of ! but it makes visualizing it a bit easier :) ). This is one of the things that life is about, finding out what it is as you live it, knowing that its not determined,nor is it prefabricated. So in relationships at this level you have to be really careful when you use your models because they're just the models of one small person which is going to have trillions of errors in it, however smart you may be and it is not going to get trillions of interactions to correct itself, unlike the global case.
Seems like we're in a bit of a fix ! What do we do ? The solution is really simple, ditch the model (Locally ! I'm not responsible for any damage from misapplication of this piece of information :D ). Go for the real thing. It is impossible to do this on the global scale, however for a few people that matter in your life, you can restrain your model and deal with reality, with the living, talking, walking person who is with you. Just tell them what you think and ask them what do they think. It doesn't mean you'll seek everyone's opinion or reassurance or you won't be self sufficient or independent. It means when you do stuff that generally involve another human being at a personal level where you don't have goals or agendas, you trust them to be your insecure self without your omnipotent-model machine. It is also unfair to deal with people on the basis of what you think they will do, because there is supposedly, after all, a thing called 'free will'.
It sounds very easy, piece of cake isn't it ? Unlucky for us it isn't, at least for most people. To ditch our models for us is to get off the life support, to pull the cord so to speak. You can't really judge or ignore with the consolation that you're right and you can't hide all your insecurities,fears and uncertainties. You have to be your damn imperfect self and believe me that is one of the hardest things to do. To let go of all your 'if only I were' s and 'I'm not cut out for this' s and just be your self. Its very scary ! You might discover that you have flaws and weaknesses and that you're no Superman or Cat woman but it also lets you see who you really are as a human being, if you want to :) Maybe you could improve a little here or there or you could not, but you will realize who you are. But what if you don't measure up ? What if you just fall short ? That's a really tough cookie to get over but probably it doesn't matter because you are you: the only one authentic limited edition piece of you that ever will walk the surface of this planet. Like someone wise said (I can't remember who :D ) : 'You are not the clay statue but the hands that kneaded the clay and made the statue'.
The funny things is once you do trust someone like this, you find that the real thing is what brings color to our lives. To not know exactly what the other will do and yet be happy :) All the small and beautiful things we share with people, all the warm and fuzzy feelings and all those cherished moments that you never forget happen. You are not alone anymore. Life begins :)
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