I have had a few life changing decisions to make and situations to face in the last thirty days. I got to know that over a period of just a day, maybe 8 or 9 hours you can go from the happiest person alive to the most miserable one alive (don't take these literally :) ). I understood that there can be no right or wrong choices in some situations, you just take a shot at one of them and see how life turns out from there. The possibility of messing up is not just anymore a figment of your imagination.
I would like to say life is a bitch but that isn't true either. It is just that everything changes in the blink of an eye or few hours that fly by at MACH speeds. You are abruptly thrown from your current situation (in most cases, comfortable and cozy ones) to the most unsettling ones. The speed of the transition is amazing. In one way nothing has changed, the earth is spinning as it was before and people are going about their lives just the same, but for you everything has just changed. These few moments have cut, with all the heaviness of emotions and thoughts your life at one more point, adding one more fragment to the mosaic.
Nothing will be the same anymore. You won't be the same, the way you see others and life won't be the same either. Then you start looking for meaning. You try to see the situation in different ways, just to find out what went wrong or more often, what you did wrong. This replay loop goes on for quite some time and you pass judgments, sometimes on others and always on yourself. You analyze all minute details and even the unlikeliest reasons (to be kind) looking for meaning, why did this happen to you ? Indeed why did this happen to me or to you or the next person ? Most of the times there isn't an answer because human landscape isn't so simple that it can be mapped in logical gates. If it is there, do you really want to know ? At such moments, as I am finding out, it is quite difficult to just accept that it happened and it happened to you. You can't do shit about it. Maybe you can go back later on and see it in a different light and understand what happened, because more often than not, there is no going back.
Then comes acceptance of this. Just accepting that this happened and living on with it. Sure life will be hell for a while, but as wise people tell me, time will take the edge off of even the most deepest cuts. You have to let go of all the anger and frustration at yourself, others and life for not doing the things the way you wanted. The thing is even if you have done this before, it is difficult to believe in this when the night is the darkest.
But night is the darkest before the dawn. I was actually scared of all this. I still am because this brings out a very vulnerable part of all of us, and puts us in situations where we are invested neck deep but have no control or ways to tilt the machine of chaos. But I've also realized that you learn to pick yourself up after each of these, and it makes you stronger, bit by painful bit. It is after these moments that you evaluate your life and see it for what it is. This is when you have nothing to loose and you can decide to turn your life around with the courage of the man who can walk into the eye of the storm. Maybe these are these are the places where we actually grow up.
At the end you laugh at yourself; you realize that you and people whom you care about are just a single line in the infinite book that is the history of life. What happens to you is peanuts to the universe :D
I would like to say life is a bitch but that isn't true either. It is just that everything changes in the blink of an eye or few hours that fly by at MACH speeds. You are abruptly thrown from your current situation (in most cases, comfortable and cozy ones) to the most unsettling ones. The speed of the transition is amazing. In one way nothing has changed, the earth is spinning as it was before and people are going about their lives just the same, but for you everything has just changed. These few moments have cut, with all the heaviness of emotions and thoughts your life at one more point, adding one more fragment to the mosaic.
Nothing will be the same anymore. You won't be the same, the way you see others and life won't be the same either. Then you start looking for meaning. You try to see the situation in different ways, just to find out what went wrong or more often, what you did wrong. This replay loop goes on for quite some time and you pass judgments, sometimes on others and always on yourself. You analyze all minute details and even the unlikeliest reasons (to be kind) looking for meaning, why did this happen to you ? Indeed why did this happen to me or to you or the next person ? Most of the times there isn't an answer because human landscape isn't so simple that it can be mapped in logical gates. If it is there, do you really want to know ? At such moments, as I am finding out, it is quite difficult to just accept that it happened and it happened to you. You can't do shit about it. Maybe you can go back later on and see it in a different light and understand what happened, because more often than not, there is no going back.
Then comes acceptance of this. Just accepting that this happened and living on with it. Sure life will be hell for a while, but as wise people tell me, time will take the edge off of even the most deepest cuts. You have to let go of all the anger and frustration at yourself, others and life for not doing the things the way you wanted. The thing is even if you have done this before, it is difficult to believe in this when the night is the darkest.
But night is the darkest before the dawn. I was actually scared of all this. I still am because this brings out a very vulnerable part of all of us, and puts us in situations where we are invested neck deep but have no control or ways to tilt the machine of chaos. But I've also realized that you learn to pick yourself up after each of these, and it makes you stronger, bit by painful bit. It is after these moments that you evaluate your life and see it for what it is. This is when you have nothing to loose and you can decide to turn your life around with the courage of the man who can walk into the eye of the storm. Maybe these are these are the places where we actually grow up.
At the end you laugh at yourself; you realize that you and people whom you care about are just a single line in the infinite book that is the history of life. What happens to you is peanuts to the universe :D
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